i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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