just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
