the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Terrible idea I love it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
