yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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