this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
