He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
