five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
