Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
