It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
