So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Floor bacon is actually really good
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
