My hand turned me down
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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