I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
