like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize