why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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