oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
