No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
