nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
