i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
