whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
