i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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