stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
