doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
