dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
