he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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