dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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