Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
