thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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