He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize