I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
