one word: firstdatebathroomanal
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
