i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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