I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
