Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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