were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
