this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
