matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
