Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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