a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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