On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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