Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
