My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
