dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
