like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
