She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
