A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
