Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
