I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
