It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
