A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
