You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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