She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
