so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
