so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
