We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
