so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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