he shaved USA in his pubs
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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