It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
