I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
