Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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