It was confusing and full of hummus
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
