oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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