If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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