just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize