Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
