Little spoons don't ask big questions
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
