I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
