She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
