i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
