Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I think I just sharted jello shots
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