just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
