I wish my penis had an off switch
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize