so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
