:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
