I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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