"it" just moved
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
